For so much of my life, I have tried to live in a way that I want to, doing and thinking what I want, experiencing and acting according to my desires. Much like the bustling San Fran traffic, I have figuratively got in my car everyday, driven across that bridge to work where I do the same old thing day after day after day.
There comes a point though that no matter the benefits of your job, no matter the pay grade, it doesn't justify this dull, colorless life I feel forced to live. Society has taught me that this is what I should desire. My culture radiates its reception. When you hear that you have a solid 9-5, people congratulate you. But I'm sick of this 9-5.
Never once did they teach me in school that I can be whatever I want to be. They never taught me to reach for the stars, dream of being on the moon, or anything else that was outside of that box. So I stayed inside. I stayed inside my box. Or at least I tried to, but my soul had other plans.
What is really boils down to is this. I feel like I'm the worker, close-sighted, frustrated, with unrealistic expectations of my future, wishing I could find what I want but not even sure I know what that is. While God is over here sitting on these rocks all the while seeing the big picture, seeing what I so badly wish I could see. So I've decided, after trying all these years acting like I know where my life is going and like I'm totally in control of everything, I admit that I'm not. And I submit to the one and only one who really is.
Tonight I Let Go, and Let God.
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